There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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