no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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