I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Green mimosas i think yes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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