She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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