i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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