Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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