I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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