are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
