I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
