forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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