because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
