You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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