Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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