First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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