I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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