If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
