I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
