i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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