Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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