Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
