in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
