guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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