Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
