At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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