How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
