fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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