I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
