I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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