I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
