i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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