my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just gift wrapped bread.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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