Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
