You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
