so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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