You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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