Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
