Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
