I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
