I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I believe in your delicious
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
