just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
