The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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