PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
