i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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