i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
