You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
