Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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