Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
