like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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