i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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