Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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