I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
