Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
