someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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