Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
