Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
