haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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