He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
