I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
