me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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