he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize