if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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