I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize