Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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