Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
