I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
