i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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