I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
