does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
