I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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