i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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