Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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