Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
