my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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