So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
