not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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