btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
