My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
