it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
