like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
