Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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