i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
